The past couple months have been life altering for my wife and I. I have a son from a previous relationship that lived with his mother. She, (my child’s mother) was going on 5 years of continuous sobriety – as far as I am able to verify. She was a heavy IV cocaine user and would occasionally shoot up heroin to control the cocaine come-down. I wrote about her in my memoir.
She is now dead.
Another person added to the never ending list of addiction related deaths. Another, so close to home. A family torn apart. A daughter gone forever. A mother gone forever. A son, forever without his mom.
My wife and I have made all the necessary adjustments and changes to be the permanent care takers and parents for my son. The transition has been going really well considering what the poor boy has been through.
I quit my full time job and will be a stay-at-home dad for the near future. I want to build a stable bond with my boy. He has had so much change and disarray in his life that he needs a great deal of consistency and care from a stable and sober role model.
My wife has been completely amazing and flexible through this life direction whiplash. I have so much to learn from her generosity, love, and her unshakable companionship. She never ceases to amaze me.
My son’s chances of becoming dependant on drugs and/or alcohol are very high. Both parents’ were drug/alcohol users which covers the gene side of addiction and he comes from a single mother household, now a deceased mother, and already has an ACE (adverse childhood experience) score that is higher than his age. Individuals with an ACE score of 5 or more are 7 to 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs. That covers the environment and statistical side of things.
He has a huge mountain to climb and many obstacles in his path. We will do everything we can to get him through this with only minor bumps and bruises. It will take a lot of work and a lot more luck. Of course I am not a determinist, so I know everything I mentioned does not determine his life outcome, however, for us NOT to look at these things would be cowardly, and very dilatory parenting.
I will try to post another update on things within the week. I know I haven’t been consistent with my posts but things are beginning to mellow out here at home. More to come soon.
Any thoughts or comments in general would be great. 🙂
A Walk In His Shoes 
Stay sober, be a good dad. Show your son that this is the easier, softer way…. Then pray like it’s going out of style. 😎
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Being that my son didn’t choose me as a father, I will treat him so that if he were to have his choice of a dad, he would choose me. You are absolutely right…this is the easiest, softest way. The praying part will be a bit problematic but I guess this would be considered a fox hole. 🙂
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A fox hole this is, but don’t forget that you were a foxhole yourself. You’re a living, breathing miracle. I know this for a fact. I read your book. If you have a tough time with it, start with believing that I believe.
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Thanks man. I appreciate that a lot. (I thought I responded already but it got skipped somehow😣) Yes crazier things have happened! 😉 I do believe he has a great chance at becoming a successful, happy individual despite his odds. Especially with the guidance and help of my wife. I’m glad I went through what I did. I feel it helped me teach and show mini-me what not to do. Lol
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Yea, what that last person said. Stay sober. We cannot know what may or may not happen (my daughter is not alcoholic though I am and her father does drugs; my grandson “tried” a few drugs but came to the realization that he did not like sleeping on the streets of Hollywood). One thing I know, he admires the fact that I have stayed sober. Doesn’t mean that all was peaches and cream, so yea, pray like it’s going out of style. Remember: Thy will, not mine, be done.
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We definitely could get lucky with him and he wins against many odds. The streets of Hollywood I’d imagine would be quite rough. Here you may get ran down by a heard of cattle while cutting through a corn field or two. All jokes aside, I’m glad your kids made it out. Sounds like your sobriety was a huge factor. That’s great news. I guess only time will tell what happens for my son. I’ll definitely keep my sobriety in check. Thanks for your thoughts and sharing some of your history with this situation.
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Dustin,
I am so sorry that your son has to go through this, but I am so thankful that you are sober to be there for him. You are a miracle!
Jami
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Thank you Jami. I hope it’s enough, me being there for him.
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Dustin,
I am sorry your son lost his mom, but he does have a miracle for a dad that is sober. This is a curve ball that you was not expecting but you have tons of support. You and your wife will do an amazing job! Stay sober and like said from bgddyjim… believe!
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Thank you Kristie, I appreciate your encouraging words. We do feel pretty good about the whole thing overall but only time will tell. I think it’ll tell a great story. 🙂
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I’m trying to catch up on my reading.
Wow. Life altering, indeed. You have overcome so much in life and I have no doubt you’re doing everything you can to equip your son to do the same.
My younger siblings were raised by my older sister because our parents, both of them, died unrelated deaths before they were eight. They’ve both overcome so much. One is being courted by a social media company as a computer engineer and the other is in nursing school. It took them a while to figure it out but it happens. Be encouraged. Being there is a lot.
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Thanks Ruth. I’m glad everything worked out so well for your sibs. Those are great economic professions. I appreciate the encouragement. 🙂
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Your concern for your son and determination to rear him the best you can is excellent. My daughter is a heroin addict. In successful recovery for 9 months now, but still an addict. Prayer has been key for me. I’m new to blogging. I hope I’m doing this right.
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