A Better Me


There are some changes I will be making, as well as some personal goals I am setting for myself starting January 1, 2015. These are not empty resolutions that get thrown out after the second week of January. These are life changes that need to take place and continue on throughout the course of my time on earth.

Now that my life has settled into place and the unexpected tremors of early sobriety have long dissipated, I want to focus a bit more on my success and purpose as a human being. This does not mean I will stop doing what I need to do to stay sober. It just means that, on top of staying sober, I want to achieve other goals. There are also things about my life; as well as myself, that I am not okay with.

1- My weight. When my father died in October 2013, it affected my eating habits. I linked the death of my father to the foods he ate over the course of his life. Already having eating/food issues from a very young age (me), as well as very similar eating habits as my father, I started to despise eating food. As far as I knew, food killed my father and I hated it. Now, whether or not food is to blame for the death of my father; it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that I gain back my weight. I am not bulimic or anorexic. I just get pissed off at food and a lot of food textures gross me out. Some of my issue goes back to when I was a young child. I am still trying to figure it out and I plan to see a nutritional counselor. I guess it is also possible that I have Sensory Processing Disorder. I hate soggy, gritty, slimy, chunky textures and putting any of those in my mouth sounds about as fun as sliding naked down a huge razor-blade into a pool of rubbing alcohol. Any of my readers deal with this hyper-sensitive full-body-gagging experience? Same with folding a piece of 80-grit sandpaper in on itself but I’ll save the goose-bump hypersensitive touch stories for another time. Ugh!

GOAL- I will gain the weight back to my average size. This means I need to gain 15 pounds. That may seem like a small task but…I am a small man and will have to eat a massive amount of calories.


2a- Drinks. I have been drinking waaaaay too much Mt. Dew, Pepsi, Red bull, Coffee, and other sugar loaded drinks. January 1st I am done. Well, one cup of coffee a day. No other soft drinks or sugary soda crap. Gotta have the coffee jump-start! Creamer, no sugar. 🙂

2b- Candy. I eat too much damn candy. I eat candy every day. milk duds, reeces pieces, M&Ms, Red licorice… I devour that shit. Willy Wonka would be jealous of my candy cupboard. Where is all the slimy soggy candy?! I guess that would be too easy. January 1st, DONE.

3- Work-out. I have started a work-out routine but they always stop. I always do it for the wrong reasons. This time, I am starting a workout because- well, I am getting older and I don’t want to die any time soon. I have been extremely rough with this body the last 20 years and I need to show it some love. I want to be healthy, strong, agile, headache-less and alert. January 1st, it’s on.


4- My wife and I both work but we have opposite schedules. She works days and I work nights. We have worked this terrible schedule long enough so we are going to fix it. We have been talking about our plan to start our own business doing something we both enjoy. We know what direction we are going to go and have worked out the base decisions. Our business plan will start taking shape objectively on January 1, 2015.

5- Aside from our personal business goal, I am also setting a completion/publish goal for my book. I haven’t had any luck with agencies and I can’t just sit on it forever. My book will be getting published in 2015. If that means self-pub, so be it.

I’m sure there are many ways I can become a better person but I know the topics I listed above are the most important to me currently. Maybe when I wipe all these out I can work on some others. I am glad I have a precise starting point. Its time to walk the walk.

Thanks for your continued support my friends! For more great reading, stop by a fellow bloggers site at http://afterthepop.me/2014/12/26/hope-for-2015/


25 thoughts on “A Better Me

  1. I can help with advice on diet and self publishing. I keep meaning to make mine available for free but with a donation. I think it’s a better business model for the current market of self help books (if that is what your book is). I also make a few dishes that last a few days and can be reheated…most stews taste better the next day and are full of veg or beans. Chilli-Con-Carne for example.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am excited to see the metamorphosis of a new man that you will become, I know that you can overcome these bumps in the road to your happiness.
    I just want you to be happy and content with your life, and if these self improvements will help fix a lifetime of turmoil, one kind of choice, I am here to try to do what a mom can do.
    I’m not too sure I didn’t have something to do with your food issues, because another sibling has food ‘texture’ issue as well. Now myself, I have always been able to eat anything not tied down, seriously…and candy has been my kryptonite! Morning, noon, or night…give me chocolate or give me more chocolate!
    I wish I could make a resolution and stick to it, because that would be the one-no more sweets.
    Good luck my son, you can achieve anything now that you have achieved sobriety! I am as proud as a peacock, except it’s the boy peacock that has the beautiful tail when he is prancing. I am just a pea hen LOL!
    Love you to the moon and back 💕,
    The Mom


  3. Wow Dustin! Those are big changes. If I may mention some stuff? You might want to get help on that or read up on it because the sugar amounts that you are eating. Sorry to say but to me it sounds like a replacement addiction. I quit drinking, smoking, caffeine, thumb sucking 😉 cold turkey, no problem. I quit sugar once for 5 years, not even prepacked cheese because it contained sugar…. no replacement fruits or raisins. And now I quit drinking I can’t anymore; I eat sugar and I can not quit. Still not as much as most people do but sugar is very addictive. Thinking that is so because it is at the base of all addictions: all addictions somehow flush your brains with sugar and that is part of what makes us feel ‘good’. Brains without sugar get into panick mode immediately. It is like the body without oxygen; life threatening. So a sugar addiction is ‘dangerous pastures’ but very important to cross. The easiest way to quit sugar is to go cold turkey but that takes serious preparation, will cause a major headache of a week and is actually dangerous (and bad for your social contacts when you get grumpy 😉 ) if you are not familiair with the effects it has. E.g.: I can not drive a car safely when I am in a sugar low; I get pissed of with everybody immediately and roadrage is right around the corner.

    PS: creamer is loaded with sugar and caffeine supports a sugar addiction by flushing sugar into your brain. There is a reason gorilla’s and chimpansees don’t eat what we eat ;-).

    I was wondering one other thing: if you eat that much sugar AND loose weight your take up might be out of synq. You might be well of trying Ayurveda as a methode of gaining weight. It might be so that your internal clock is at a different speed and an Ayurvedic doctor will be able to sort that out. Actually, whatever the cause, if I had the money I would try Ayurveda for gaining and loosing weight.

    Hope what I say makes sense and helps you a little on your way? Good luck on your life’s plan and with your business plans. Love to hear how you proceed. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for taking the time to share some of your knowledge on my issues. I dont plan on doing this alone. I appreciate the info about Ayurveda. Ive never heard of it but my wife done a bit of research on it and it looks like there are doctors who deal with Ayurveda close to my area.
      I dont plan on cutting all sugars that are either naturally or unnaturally added. Mainly candy and sodas- junk food etc. Of course i will still intake the sugar from creamer but the amount of sugar i will be dropping is massive. Maybe down the road if the affects are great and worthwhile i can look into completely cutting all sugars. Right now i know i need to stop the indulgence.
      Thanks a bunch for stopping by and sharing great info! Have a great week my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ayurveda (and a shitload of psycho therapy) kept my mother alive for 6 years while she litterally had a 100% ‘chance’ to die in 2 years from the type of cancer she had. And well, she only stayed in bed in the last week of her life, the other years she moved about not effortlesly but at least painfree. She refused normal treatment like chemo and radiation (is that the word?) until she had to. Regular doctors told her that they themselves could not have given her the good 6 years.
        Indulgence…. need to look into that as well. It is easier now I noticed that I sleep bad from chocolate :-).
        Good luck on your journey. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      • That is great to hear about your moms extended time. Ive heard from others as well about untraditional cancer treatment methods that seemed to help. It would be one of the most difficult choices a person would be forced to make.
        Ive used the word chemo and radiation interchangably but ive been wrong on many occasions. Lol all chemo is radiation but not all radiation is chemo. All bourbon is whiskey but not all whiskey is bourbon. Haha im not sure.
        INDULGENCE- i will check into that as well thank you. Where do you get all this shit? Geez. Its good for me thank you! Haha. I better get some sleep. Have a good one.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations Dustin and welcome to the fun part of the program, where you discover that just quitting drinking isn’t enough… If you have less than one year, you’re way ahead of the curve (most of us tap dance around for a bit – I was about 10 months).

    That said, I hope you have a good, strong sponsor to help you navigate this. Second, and with all due respect to ‘fmwbil”, quitting sugar this early is unecessary. I was the exact same, with only minor texture issues. I still enjoy my sugar now and again, though it is easier to keep it reasonable with abstinence, I would never bother going so far as worrying about sugar in cheese or ketchup… It’s tricky – you never know how far you have to go to be happy, so my two cents could be wrong for you too.

    Trick is, one day at a time, with a bright sponsor who knows what he’s doing and who has what you want. You’ve got a heck of a start going, brother. Keep up the good work!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks bgddyjim.
      Ive been sober almost 3 years now. Every now and then i slide down into unhealthy but comfortable grooves. My fathers death really through me on a tailspin. No relapse but a very wobbly emotional ride that knocked my compass off of T.N.
      I agree with your sugar intake amounts and i should have made that more clear in my post. Stopping all sugars in perpetuity would be great but I dont particularly need to ban it completely. The amount I am at is just extreme to put it softly.
      I will definitely have extra support as well as some expert guidance during my shifts. I appreciate your support and advice. It is always welcomed here. Keep it up on your hard work too. It is an inspiration to a lot of others, myself included.

      Liked by 2 people

      • My pleasure, thank you, and please Jim will do just fine – that Big Daddy part is a bit of a joke. My wife gave me the nickname and I use it on the blog as a way of poking a little self-deprecating fun at the ego.

        I am sorry to hear about your father, I lost mine last January.

        Liked by 3 people

  5. PS. Arnold Palmer – iced tea and lemonade… No more soda, half the sugar and it tastes better than water! I also did water with a slice of lemon and a slice of lime – that works great to drop the pop too.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Hi Dustin,

    These sound like great goals! Congratulations for getting to a place where you can fit more positive changes into your life. I especially like the one where you and your wife will be on the same schedule – I’m sure that’s been tough. Thanks for sharing – I’ll be embarking on some similar challenges come January 1. My weight needs to go in the opposite direction, though. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you rivieradinah.
      I appreciate your thoughts on this. Other peoples advice and support make it much easier to shoot off the starting line.
      My relationship with my wife has been like this far too long! We will both be happy for the change.
      Good luck on your goals too. If we keep them front and center nothing can stop us. Have a great week!

      Liked by 2 people

  7. you go boy!!!

    thanks so much for the link…

    there are two publication apps that i have been using over the years-

    scribd.com – here’s my profile at that site..

    i have been publishing newsletters, flyers, and information for my advocacy work for some time.

    then there is blurb-

    i tried to create a small coffee table book from some of my earlier posts, but was never satisfied with blurb. i haven’t tried them for a couple of years now. i think they have gotten slicker and better.

    http://www.blurb.com- here’s an invitation to check it out.


    dustin- don’t know if either of these will be of any help, but inspiration comes in many ways.

    enjoy the rest of your holiday…

    and thanks for the add


    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the links rod and no problem! I will look into those as soon as i have a good amount of time to go over them. I dont want to just rush through the sites. Plus i am slow at new programs and cpus in general. Lol
      I appreciate it and all your help!

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Great stuff, Dustin. Make sure you leave some wiggle room. Some self-kindness if things aren’t 100% the way you expect them. I think part of the reason I have never done resolutions or goals is that I knew I would come down hard on myself if they didn’t transpire. But you seem to have some wisdom and insight into the reasons behind it all.

    Fantastic list!


    Liked by 2 people

    • Thats a great point Paul. That is something that I am really good at forgetting. Self attack needs to get punched in the face! Not my face but its face. Ive been bothered by my issues for a while and I couldnt seem to change them without setting some limits and goals with myself.
      I know that some issues I have are related to my past but I dont have a firm grasp on exactly what has happened. Only time will tell. Good luck in the new year and thanks for sharing that information. It will come in handy. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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